finally, i would like to mention that obviously Mark Wolyyn is not!!! a doctor!!! he doesn’t give proper disclaimers for that, or explanations on how he learned or got these conclusions from. he mentions in the first lines of the book he works (or owns?) an "institute”, and later that is a "clinician" but he is not!! a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist. Yazarın, depresyondaki kişinin hayatta olmayan ve travmasından izler devraldığı kişiye ritüel eşliğinde söylemesi gereken cümleleri hazır bir şekilde sunması garip geldi bana. Bir kitap okuma ile travmanın izlerinden çözülüp tamam iyileşme fikri çok da ikna edici gelmiyor bana. Mesela bir yakınınızın öldüğü gün yemek yemekte zorlanabilirsiniz. Yaptığınız şeylerden suçluluk duyabilirsiniz. Ölen kişinin kendisi hayatta olsaydı sizin aç kalmanızı istemeyeceğini aklınızdan geçirdiğinizde bu duygunuz yatışır. Yazar bu tip bir durumu incelerken size o kişinin ruhunun sizinle birlikte olduğunu hayal edip ona bunu söylemenizi tavsiye ediyor yanlış anlamadıysam. Ancak tam bu noktada, bazı okurların bu durumu, ruhlar ölmez ve bizimledir gibi algılaması çok da ihtimal dışı değil bence. Bu da kitabın biraz spiritüel tarafı olduğunu söyletebilir insanlara. Whether they’re dead or alive, whether they’re distant from them or our relationship is amicable, our parents — and the traumas they’ve experienced or inherited — hold the key to our healing.” sonra ruhların var olabileceğine hiç inanmayan biri olarak kitap bu yönüyle biraz itici de geldi bana. Elimden geldiğince dikkatli okumaya devam ederek ruhçuluk barındırıp barındırmadığını düşündüm. Barındırmadığını ama okurlarına ve danışanlarına tavsiye ettiği ritüellerle psikoterapistin yanlış anlaşılabileceğine karar verdim. Bir insanın kendisine yöneltilen doğru sorularla kendi kendine çıkarabileceği teselli verici bir takım gerçekleri bu tür ritüellerle hatırlatmak da bir yol olabilir belki ama bana pek tekin gelmedi doğrusu. A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the field

Bridging both neuroscience and psychodynamic thinking, It Didn’t Start with You provides the reader with Mark Wolynn’s hard-earned toolbox of do-it-yourself clinical aids and provocative insights.” After reading It Didn’t Start with You,I found myself immediately able to apply Mark Wolynn’s techniques with my patients and saw incredibleresults, in a shorter time than with traditional psychotherapeutic techniques. I encourage you to read this book. It’s truly cutting edge.” the main point the author wants to drill through his readers, in which he truly believes, despite any evidence whatsoever, is that there is a way, through “genetics”, that a relative of yours, any generation, can give you their trauma. literally, if they lived a situation, like a war, or other horrid circumstances, that they can pass you their symptoms exactly, even the age of when it started! and so that’s how you get it. that’s it. pretty simple huh? While the first few chapters provide some useful information about how genetics and epigenetics play a role in our health, the author goes off into kookyville with his personal therapy. Honestly, the author focuses too much on how you need to fix and have a relationship with your parents and that if you fix this relationship then you will never be mentally ill again. Mind you that not everyone can fix or wants to "fix" the relationship with their parents, especially if there's severe abuse involved. The main bashing this book comes in for is that 'oh if your parents are toxic this book is *dangerous*' because he suggests reconciling with family and family issues.

There was some useful stuff here, but from about two or three chapters into the book through to two or three chapters from the end... It was all filled with talk about how the onus to repair the relationship is on the child. That child sometimes being the victim of emotional or physical abuse at the hands of their parents. And it's okay that the parent did that because... there were happy times, too, right? And they weren't ALWAYS abusive. And if you think they were, that's because an ingrained negativity-bias means we remember situations in which we feel in danger, not the good times, as a means of survival. And even if they were always abusive, it's because stuff happened to them first. And it's up to YOU to fix it. This groundbreaking book offers a compelling understanding of inherited trauma and fresh, powerful tools for relieving its suffering. Mark Wolynn is a wise and trustworthy guide on the journey toward healing.”—Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptanceand True Refuge

Practices, visualizations, healing sentences and other tools based in neuroscience that can help you disentangle from an emotional legacy you’ve inherited.

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A través de esta lectura pude encontrar palabras para darle sentido a sentimientos e ideas atoradas o que no había sido consciente de su existencia, permitiendo que brotaran; con este ejercicio me doy cuenta que el regalo más grande para nuestra especie es el lenguaje: Igualmente como si fuera siguiendo un camino de migas de pan, descubrí el momento cuando me desconecte de mi cuerpo para no sentir dolor, entonces es allí donde debo reiniciar esta reparación, por decirlo de alguna manera. how, you may ask? by “creating personal healing sentences” and “rituals, exercises, practices and healing images”, like placing a photo on the desk, lighting a candle, writing a letter, placing a photo above the bed (that’s different than on the desk), creating a boundary. Another note, if I had to read one more bit overemphasizing mother as primary caregiver whose disrupted bonds ruin us I was going to throw an attachment theory book at him. Attachment literature tends to use the language of "primary caregiver" and recognize the expansive family systems that may exist. We can have different attachments to different people. It is possible that if you are not securely attached to your mom that you will be securely attached elsewhere depending on the health of the system. He often sounds like someone who read a lot of early psychodynamic work but didn't keep current with it. Psychodynamic's most important contribution, I would argue, is that what happens to you in the past and in your family's past matters. Also, some of his examples of epigenetics are not epigenetics. Based on my understanding, which is imperfect, an uncle dying at a certain point would not maybe influence genetics though it influences the family system. Maybe because of his training or experiences, Wolynn doesn't know how to differentiate these. Somewhere along the way, I had even stopped thinking about my eye and worrying about whether it would improve or worsen. I no longer expected to be able to see clearly again. Not long afterward, my vision returned. (...) Ironically, after scouring the distant corners of the planets for answers, I found that the greatest resources for healing were already inside me just waiting to be excavated. Ultimately, healing is an inside job.” I think it has a lot to do with timing and resources, and not so much to do with that sentient trauma crying out to be heard, looked at, and healed.

The book leads readers through a process of self-discovery and healing, helping them identify the emotionally-charged language of their worries and fears that link to unresolved traumas in their childhood or family history. Through provocative questions, relevant case studies and a series of body-centered exercises, readers are guided to become detectives, mining their family history to unearth the source of their issues. Ultimately, readers learn how to convert old, fearful images into ones that bring strength and healing. It Didn’t Start With You is the first book of its kind to offer step-by-step guidance to help people break the cycle of destructive inherited family patterns. He CLEARLY states that for some people they can't actually reconcile with family (dead, estranged, etc) and then outlines a way to work through his process sort of in absentia. Gosh, I mean, half of his examples are people who are carrying the trauma of grandparents and great grandparents. Surely they're not all alive, right? There are some useful pieces of information in this book, but the majority of it is pseudoscience. The author points to "empirical evidence" in support of his assertions that are either not empirical at all, or that conclude something not quite relevant for the author's assertion. Read "fix" as: don't blame parents for any abuse; no one is responsible or guilty for abusing you; just get over it; there is no choice; it's just an event from the past rearing its head and it's your fault if you let it get to you; you have to make amends for the past.A woman who couldn’t understand her sudden indifference toward her husband was entangled with her grandmother who lost her husband tragically at the same age.

there is one interesting molecular mechanism referenced: measuring the level of cortisol levels in family members of holocaust survivors: cortisol levels were diminished. HOWEVER, big HOWEVER, NO conclusions were taken from this study the way the author wants to: it doesn’t LINK our mental illness to a relative's or DERIVES any sort of treatment such as making peace with past abusers. it measured cortisol levels. that's it. just because a long distant relative of yours had PTSD or was a murderer, in no way means you or generations to come will display symptoms BECAUSE of the said relative. Anyway, the worst of all, his stories were not even believable. One of his patients gambled his life away at 26. The author helped him find out that his absent father, too, did just the same at 26. They reconnected, the patient was cured. Then, the same story again: the patient at age x starts having y issues. Then, the author finds out his parent or grandparent or even uncle, too, had y issues at age x. They restore the relationship. The patient is healed.

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A woman with claustrophobia—unable to ride in a plane or elevator—made the connection to her father’s parents who perished in a gas chamber. he references a few studies but none of them refer to the treatment of the diseases the author claims to see heal in the users of this technique or evidence to his idea of generational trauma.