Michael Gallagher: Even though I’ve gone bald I still have the same comb I’ve had for 20 years… I just can’t part with it. This book is filled with funny jokes, puns, and one-liners that are sure to put a smile on the face of any Newcastle United supporter. Until it occurred to me -- maybe "Newcastle" in this anecdote was Newcastle-under-Lyme, located about an hour from Liverpool and more or less on the way to/from London!

But it doesn't mean we can't tell some jokes about the city, its rivalry with Sunderland and the football team, can it?I might also be angry at the last manager who took us to relegation, who seems to have forgotten that as he pronounces doom and gloom with more ill-placed righteousness than a drunken Vicar on a Sunday night. In short, for those of you that don’t know, although I’m sure you do, the songs are based on poverty in Liverpool. His backroom team oversaw training which created injury after injury and didn’t seem to instil anything other than “couldn’t care less” into the multi-millionaires they are charged with “training”. Normally I'd wish you a great trip, but in this case it's more appropriate to say 'Gan canny, like'!

It is important to note as well, that the majority of those singing the songs are just kids, or at the very least, young adults. But he came out and, for the first time last night, admitted that the team he “manages” is crap, not good enough, relegation material. And then there’s McClaren: hapless, hopeless, incompetent, a man who has failed at every level of management. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.When it came to his turn, the assistant started ringing the contents of his overloaded trolley into the till.

His mate, desperate to free him from the dog’s grip, grabbed a sharp branch and thrust it into the dog, killing it instantly.To celebrate Newcastle's lucky escape last season, the club decided to take the team out for a meal in a posh restaurant. Q) What's the difference between a dead rabbit in the road and a dead Newcastle United fan on the same bit of road? He said to the wife : ‘Those fifteen kids we’ve got, there’s something not right … get them lined up !